He Only Smiled

​Have it all!

Indecision and dilemma played at my mind.

I wondered what seemed important

Pondering with a stern face

I sat and asserted 

 I have enough

Yet i don’t have enough 

I need more

More of the best and splendid 

This made a negative desire lurk within my thoughts

An uneasiness within my chest

I tried coughing it out

But it was unabated

Very keen on having it all was seeming like revenge

Making up for those lost years was the established goal

Is it worth it?

Is it the key to eternal peace?

I needed an answer instantly

It came in the weirdest form

A one I least expected

A little homeless boy

He looked scruffy but ebullient

Then he came right to me

As magnificent as never
He stood in my path

Arms stretched in faith 

Big brown eyes starring right into mine

Searching, Pleading, prodding 

Within, blinked a twinkle of hope 

sure to pull at the tightest of heartstrings 

Like as done before many a times 

Still confused and lost

I tossed a coin at him

Eager to go on raving and ranting inwardly

But on skinny but sturdy legs 

He still stood

Staring with something else in his eyes. 

Something i couldn’t read

Till it appeared

Bright and clear and  glittering it blinded 

My eyes absorbing 

Yet my mind contrasting. 

He smiled

But he smiled

With pangs of hunger gnawing at his stomach 

throat parched with thirst

He smiled!

With sunken eyes 

 torso riddled with ribs

He smiled!

With nothing to gain 

Nothing to have

Nothing to loose 

He smiled!

He lived in a shack amidst strife and crime

He smiled!

Confused, I stared

My reflection stared with me. 

And I saw

It stood out in the rich leagues, the beauty lanes and all that there is to vanity

But within me
on me

The frown survived 

The wrinkle of lines fed by the desire to have it all

The folds of skin had clouded my judgement 

I didn’t need anything else

I had it all

Greed and blind determination had darkened the way

I never needed anything else

The boy needed it all

Yet he smiled

I had it all

I never did.

~ewoenam, Nexis

Image by ngari,norway

via Flickr


Jumbled Episodes

Damaged years have passed.

Entrusting gems was the big failure.

Fearful thoughts but having no conclusions on the new day.

A well poised agenda but always losing hope in the presence of mockery.

The old monkey forgot how to survive in the trees,

This was a time to ponder.

A path was shown but there was no idea of where to end.

This kept coming back harder and harder,

This earthquake was stronger.

A quantum leap they chanted,

The words went no further.

But let’s go back to the 7th birthday,

The unfortunate disappearance of the cake.

The school project which was due for submission had not even been thought of.

But look, I tried telling her how I felt,

It seemed like abstract algebra.

Wait a minute! Let’s go back to that interview.

I think not going would have made me pass.

The ultimatums always kept showing up,

This time I stood for what was right.

The food poisoning was not preventive enough,

I enjoyed that same vendor’s food even better.

The old man was mad at the grades,

He had me removed from the soccer team.

My childhood shoes were always the cause of laughter.

My  first help to a poor man were some coins for a pen.

Meeting my fear of open spaces for the first time made me sick for three days.

The tears burst forth like water from a dam when my sister’s time was up.

But these episodes keep on coming back.

They are jumbled episodes in my thoughts.

I believe these things have deep meanings.

Trying to figure them out is always a headache.

I think I have stuff I can’t keep anymore.


Picture by Ariel Zoli

Grandfather clock 


The Final Redemption

The revelations spoke out loud

Three brothers were to be bound

But the envy of the dark hound

Was a catalyst of the evil crowd

Now this journey had an early frown

Destiny said they were to have the crown

Misfortunes everywhere

It was impossible to bear

They lived without a care

A sight of black rythm and melody 

A smell of white tragedy

A synesthesia of their own

It existed to their tone

Keedgey, they laid aside as a special draft

Only time could explain that craft

Time made a selfless decision

Nature could  not understand the impression

And then the painting of the sinister picture

The summon of death at this juncture

This is the end of the end

A beginning to the end

The circle is now incomplete

But they still have to compete

In a world which has being a pain in the neck

Their sorrows cannot be in check

Night shed a tear

Day just could not appear

Then the story of a Thursday Redemption began

It became their long lasting slogan

The elimination of the twisted adversary

It was the salvation of a Foster’s home anniversary

A touch of hope 

A glimpse at freedom

This they could cope

But a lost brother became a scar

Is there still strength in that circle?

Will there be a need to forget the lyrics of that dirge?

They will have to find out someway, somehow.


Image on pinterest

Circle tattoo meanings.

Thursday Redemption 3

                      The evil effect

 I have always hated you 

You introduced me to an evil

I wish you could burn in hell for this

You fucked me up

You hurt me real bad

So now let me ask you something…

Why me? Why this child?

I was always innocent

You could see it in my eyes

You knew I had potential

You knew I was a light to shine bright in the darkest hours

You knew I was the key to arrest this abject poverty

Oh yes! Your henchmen! Those faggots

They knew it. I was destined for eminence

They destroyed me in and out

I was ill. It was too much for me

I was helpless, I was defenceless

I said to myself…

They should enjoy it while it last but it seemed it was going to be forever

My blood, my family 

You watched all that evil contaminate the bond

I cried like the world witnessed my sister being raped on that day

A very grotesque sight. It had to be censored

A cruel world it has proven to be

I was mocked at the feet of mercy

Then I fell into a trance

I was welcomed to a Thursday redemption

It was not a pleasant one

Now I knew my origin

A kid left by his parents at the market gates

Saved by a wicked man and brought up cruelly

What should I be grateful for?

Peace I have now. Trust I got rid off. Accepted revenge’s proposal.

Where do I go from here?

I will let my resolutions do the thinking

I may pay some social vices a friendly visit

The rules of the survival game were layed out to me quite early

It was a miscalculated phenomenon

I would be sorry for those I will hurt

I would be grateful to those who would survive

I need a mask first.


Image: Richard Stall man

 h2g2bob(David Batley)

Creative commons attribution share alike 2.5 generic 

File: Brave  GNU world (mask). Svg

Thursday Redemption 2

Danger lurks in her thoughts

It sings to her the melodies of fear

The doubles are at war

The survival game is getting intense

How is it going to end?

A dark life exposed to the light after 15 years or this weird attachment to the environment.

She woke up in tears

It pushed her limit

This dilemma is a slow killer

The earth’s energy is negative

Confessions would have dire consequences

Going cold turkey was the only resolution

That thought was destruction

Affectation was tempting

Inviting Betrayal’s wrath.

Jade was late with her protection

Her second soul brought salvation

She longed for peace 

It finally found her

She was slow to realize that pain had vacated

Jade conquered her evil provinces 

A friend, a protector

Freedom started to rule

A little confusion still survived

She just had to ask the golden question 

What happened to us?

You had a Thursday Redemption

Awesome right?

~ewoenam, hrhddk

Thursday Redemption 

Your brother never saw joy,

Sorrow was in his blood,

He could not control it,

He came to you for relief, you just made the pain worse.

Your sister was in need of protection,

She was helpless,

She was weak,

She had to propose a deal with death.

She sought to share her burden with you

Just for a night’s look out

You mocked her, proposed an inhumane ultimatum and sold her to a brothel.

Your mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor

Her love was not reciprocated 

Your family was torn apart

You cared less.

Your iron heart was that of stupidity

And then you heard your brother died

Self execution found a place in his heart

You gave him a befitting funeral… Ha! Oh yes a befitting incineration.

A wicked way to bid farewell.

But then, your mother had a Thursday redemption.

The tumor killed her before you could lay eyes on her.

A Thursday redemption?

Yes, yes… She described it as such

The day which gave her salvation

She was free from her mental slavery

She was given the opportunity to flee from the devil you had become

She was glad dying. For a second, her smile made death attractive to me.

She wished for you the samething

A Thursday redemption…

What will it be?



She was hurt,

She was aggressive,

Never to recognize her own beast.

The beast, her beast devoured her breath,

She was alive but was dead never to be human.

And there came a day,

A day she had this revolt of heart

Consequences affecting everything she laid eyes on.

She had taken a firm stand,

She promised there was going to be no peace.

And there came this beautiful child,

She had no merciful emotion.

Her revenge was way too pleasing,

It engulfed her, making her fierce even to the most devilish of  thoughts.

Her mission made her blind to the pieces that were missing during a lifetime.

And there came this beautiful child again with a good man, 

The beast had no trouble convincing her

She had exchanged a longing for peace for tragedy and blood,

A victim in deep caves of perpetual darkness.

There was no turning back to the slightest touch of light,

The beast, her beast, the darkness of a wounded woman had to end.

Innocent souls never to be gained again.

She knew this dark journey would be over soon, but when? She grew selfish of more innocence until she crossed the line.

Death had seen enough of it.

But just before death summoned her to the courts of lost souls, she left this behind,

“One’s destiny is only corrupted by deep trust”



They will never care and give you even the casual attention,

When you are fucked up, well you only get the casual attention.

When you are a rolling stone, you don’t get to sleep because their minds are restless.

This version of humanity always use you as a comfort test application, a backup to their formatted grace. And when you retrieve a file for them, they will always forget to backup again. 

The question here is, who is the liability?

Life here is a no nonsense judge,

You clothe yourself with it, he makes you an epitome of disgust and here you will suffer an unending revulsion and disapproval,

Which will come from the same source of your grace.

Give each other that smile of respect. 

Oh yes! I think that will subdue life’s treachery.

There is no better way to express this…


Jayeli’s Song

​I am at peace when day takes over night’s wickedness 

But day only shows me its perfidy, and that kills me slowly

I believe in patience and melody

I believed that sometimes you never gave me a taste of your thoughts to express my intentions 

I will not be loveless

Like now

But how

Did I come to be raged like the sea

You can’t see, no

And you think you know

But my silence keeps you in doubt

And unless you go

I will never send you out

You tell me to persevere

As if we will never get there

But I am fading away 

Fading far and far away 

Away to that place where our present bond is alien to our past love

I will be forever lost in the waters

Lost and  never to be lost again 
Now my silence fuels this fear
This fear you harbour in your chest

And lest you first confess

You will nurse in your nest a bird of




This is not a curse

You never wronged me

This is neither a warning

You know better

This is what I feel

I think

I see

When my restless memories

Remind me of you
But I am fading away 

Fading far and far away 

Away to that place where our present bond is alien to our past love  

I will be forever lost in the waters 

Lost and never to be lost again   x2

~Ewoenam, McAndrew. 

The Lamentations Of The Seventh Owl.

Night drew nearer to the grave.

Day never saw the light.

The waters were still, the wind could not speak anymore.

Chaos ruled but was dominated.

This place had no begining to end its reign.

And there he was trapped and imprisoned by your thoughts.

He never heard you call, he never felt your anxiety, he only breathed hope when you sleep thinking you would never send him deeper to that place.

He cried out for six days with no good heart to comfort him. 

And then he decided to pour out the melody he had left and he found me.

I saw him dying, giving up, hopeless, tired because you won’t let him in. 

He tries to give signals and manages to breakthrough but he gets trapped again.

I feel his heartbeat every hour, it is a pathetic feeling.

He kept on asking questions which I had no answers to. I was lost in his presence.

He always feared battles he was never going to loose and horrible images of your future he was never going to witness.

 The words are fading away…

Listen my child!

Listen our joy! Listen our hope!

Take heed of my warning and my cry and set your soul free.

Free your different person, free your confidence, free your strength, free your liveliness, free your selflessness.

I may be with him but not forever.

There is an evil fast approaching, ready to fill that void which will breed nothing but constant havoc.

I am scared of what may be set free from this place but I am not scared of the phenomenal power of two.

Until then, he shall sing you a dirge once more. Rest and set him free.